10.10.07

Hello wonderful prayer team (friends) -

my installment for today is a story....

OK, so last night i was coming home from work time (on time - i love
my new boss!) and as i pulled up to my apartment i starting to become
overwhelmed and emotional. not sure why. wasn't thinking of anything
in particular, just what the rest of my night might look like -- my
last "free" night before going. the rest are booked. i had some
shopping i still needed to do... for my africa trip... africa... i'm
goign to africa... woah. this little feeling of panic and realization
started to hit me in the pit of my stomach. panic. it's the kind of
panic that starts to overtake me when i feel completely out of
control. you see, i am someone who likes to have a controlled
environment around me, calculated risks, see and evaluate before i
take a step in, but NONE OF THAT is possible with this trip. as much
good prep as we've gotten about where we're staying and what we might
see, you really can 'explain africa' and the devestation of aids and
poverty, the joy of african worhsip, the power of witchcraft, the
power of God, to someone - until you experience it.

so i decide regardless of my to-do list i had to put at the top of it
"GO FOR A BIKE RIDE. NOW." so i grabbed my ipod and headed for a
forest preserve trail by brookfield/la grange. my bike and this trail
have become friends of mine. when i got there the sun was halfway down
and the place was pretty quiet. i headed east on the trail from my
usual starting point. (this is the direction i go when i don't have
much time and the sun is goign down, it runs by more houses, more
populated.) it was good to get my legs moving and get into a rhythm. i
also had some 'soak' music flowing through my ear buds, straight to my
soul. i began to let the music, the movement of the biking, and the
immersion in nature wash over me.

quicker than usual i got to the 17th street bridge - this is where i
normally stop, evauate the sun's rate of decent, and turn around to
head back. but somethign in me just wasn't ready to do that. so i
crossed 17th street - my first time goign this far in this direction.
what would i find over here? what i found was the water was now on my
right side, closer to the trail, in fact running right alongside. the
forest on the left seemed much deeper and more still. even though i
knew we were still in a residentail area, i was no longer aware of the
houses nearby. here i really felt immersed. the trees around me were
like a canopy of God's kingdom over me. at one point i stopped and had
5 deer grazing quietly on one side and the running stream on my other.
i closed my eyes and took it in. the music was singing in my ear about
being royalty and a daughter of the King. i was surrounded. i was
thinking of nothing but me in God.

the sun was going down, so i got back on the trail to head back. the
ride back i found myself feeling so free, so happy. almost like giddy
- i wanted to ride in a crooked line and jump over bumps... i started
trying to ride without hands! so cautiously, but so free and eager at
the same time. i wanted to ride in TRUST and newness. i knew God would
be with me in africa and i'd have to ride with no hands many times. it
was so fun to try and to grow more bold in the trying. before i knew
it i was back to the parking lot. i wasn't ready to stop so i kept
trying out my new freedom and boldness around the parking lot, then i
would ride off into the grass, through little ditches and duck under
the big trees.

...an hour well spent.

this morning i woke up, laying in bed, thinking again about my day and
final preparations... to go to AFRICA.. and that little panic started
to rear its ugly head again. you see, that is naturally who i am, and
that human part of my make up will never competely go away, but i can
snuff it out over and over again with my trust in God, with my
choosing His promises and care for me and plan for me. would you pray
that i have the ability to do that each time it creeps up in me? would
you pray for God's peace to be strong in me, constantly?

thank you friends for going with me on this journey.

[TONIGHT: open prayer time for the africa team at VOP from 9-10pm.
join us if you can!]

love,
God's jen